I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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