is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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