went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
love makes seman taste better
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
