Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
