My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
