i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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