So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
be right there i have to get my cape
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
