Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
