I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
