Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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