It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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