I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
