Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
