You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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