Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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