Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
