I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
