I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
