the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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