Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never underestimate the power of titties
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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