She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize