Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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