I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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