Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
