Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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