the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
