Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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