dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
