Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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