You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
