I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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