i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Randomize
