I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
