hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
