Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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