aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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