Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
