I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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