This is not my ceiling
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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