her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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