my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
