She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
