I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
