look no pants
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize