My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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