I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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