i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
