honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
