My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
