DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
