ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
