my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
