OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
