would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
