I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
