I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
pop tarts are not kleenex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
