I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
