I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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