I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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