cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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