just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
