But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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