He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
