well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
