Duck Duck Cougar?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
